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I really don’t know what the fuck I’ma do. I’m running out of plans and ideas, I’m stuck and it’s stressing me the fuck out. I wish there was such a thing as “stress free life”. What if everything went your way with out any problems, sounds great huh? Well life is a fucking bitch and I don’t know what I’ma do about it. Fuck my life. 

Lol I really don’t have anyone to talk to. I mean.. someone I can pour out to. Idk. The feeling I have rn is very bad. I can say it’s suicidal like I just want to be gone forever so I don’t have to deal with anything anymore.

Swedish House Mafia last tour.

It was amazing !! I wanna go back. It was sad when they were about to leave but everyone chanted and one of them said ” DID I JUST HEAR WHAT I HEARD?!” Then they played an extra song for us :D happy ending. Some girls cried when it ended. Wished it was longer tho but omgg… Beautiful.

Lyrical songs

Sometimes I’m afraid to listen to lyrical songs because I don’t want to think. It’s scary because I feel like I get sad easily when my mind wander off into deep thoughts.

I got so drunkk last night.. I only took 6 shots, but one of the Naphi bros really know how to mix.. It doesn’t taste strong but it fucking creeps up and you’re done.. I was in the bathroom for over an hr LOL then I knocked out in the room… All them St. John Kappas were drunk as fuckk too! The Naphi bros took real good care of me tho. I never got so drunk before, fun night even tho I knocked out at the end for most of the night.

Homies

I love to see you guys smile and be all happy, it makes me happy. Therefore I always try to show up at the end. Being with the people that matters to you is one of the best feelings. The ones you care for and vice versa, they’ll be right by your side smiling, and laughing. What’s better than that??

(Source: swayzeee)

All I did tonight was eat ^o^ It was a delightful night. I had fun, well that was because I was so silly after I drank.. Drank.. DRANK! LOl Dead tired now.

Goodnight ~ 

                                                                                         1/15/13

I’m so fucking tired of thinking so fucking much for no fucking reason. Hate how it brings my mood down. What the fuck!

(Source: swayzeee)

I’ve promised some people to never hurt myself again. How can I not when it feels like things are never going to get better? When things keep on getting worse.. As for the people that I promised, they’re not really in my life anymore. What I do now wouldn’t matter. As of today there are no promises that were made. Just something that’ll replace my emotional pain…

(Source: swayzeee)

Dear Grandma,

Hi grandma, it’s your grandson Kevin again. I can’t stop thinking about you, we’ve been through so much together. You we’re my best friend when I was little, did you know that? We traveled many places together, we we’re troopers! Grandmaa remember when we used to wake up very early to go dimsum together when everyone else was busy? I really wanted to treat you out to dimsum one day but things changed…. Back then when I was little you took care of me and I took care of you. We had each others back Grandma! I always had your back. There was this time when I yelled at mom because she brought your name up and said mean things about you. I don’t get why she is so mean to you. You’ve been so nice to me through out my whole entire life! You never ever yelled at me or hit me, instead you gave me kisses and hugs. When I cried, you were always there for me. Every time when I cried, you said to me “don’t cryy, you’re a handsome boy, dont cry because then no girls will like you” then I would say ewwww cooties and we both end up laughing together. Grandma I’ve been worrying about you ever since I was little. I slept beside you when Grandpa left to heaven because I didn’t want to see you cry anymore. If we never moved away from each other, I would of been there for you all the time, I really hope you know that. I hate how we moved so far away from each other. It got to the point where we see each other around 6 times a year… You were like the captain, captain of the family and I was your partner in crime. I miss you. I miss you so so much and my chest won’t stop hurting. I can’t handle this and I really don’t know what to do. People are leaving my life one by one. Now that you left, I won’t be able to say “ngin ngin” again because I don’t have a grandma anymore. Why you?! You had such a perfect life with a perfect personality. The kids in the family all think that you had the most perfect relationship ever too. You and grandpa lasted forever. You were a nurse and grandpa was a soldier, I think that is the cutest thing ever. You cared for him and he protected you. 

Grandma… I MISS YOU SO MUCH, Please come back… I feel like I lost a big piece of me ever since you left. No one ever showed me as much love as you did. You took care of me like I was everything to you. Grandma! Please let this be a horrible dream. I’m dying on the inside, I’ve been trying to hide it from my friends. At night I just pour and pour. You loved every single person in this family even my mom, my selfish mean mother. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! 

(Source: swayzeee)

Dear Grandma,

I was sleeping, I woke up to my dad talking on the phone outside of the house. Dad was talking about you passing away. I got up like there is no tomorrow. I sat in bed thinking about what I heard was a dream or not. I called dad 10 minutes later, he said he was on his way to the hospital. When I was in the car with mom to the DMV, I asked her where dad was, she hesitated and said “he went some where”. Right away I knew for a fact that she was hiding it from me. I texted Alex to make sure what I heard was right but I wished I was wrong. I told him to check if you were in your room. He told me you weren’t but you’re usually at your appointment around 1pm. Alex called his father to check where you were and that’s when he found out you’re not coming back home anymore. That you can’t make it to his graduation and see him graduate. You were there through out my 18 years of life and I’m turning 19 in a month grandma. I wish you were there to say happy birthday to me through the phone because I wont be getting any of those anymore. I already miss you so much when you were still here with us, I can’t keep missing you through out my whole life knowing you’re not with us anymore. I miss you and I love you so much grandma. I wish you we’re here because I was planning to have you there for my wedding. Now it feels like there’s an empty space in my chest. It hurts and I really don’t know what to do. You’re the last of my grandparents. I love you so much. I want you back with us.. Please rest up grandma, you’ve been through the most.

Rest in peace.

(Source: swayzeee)

Yo I am so tired of trying to keep a friendship when all they do is push you away and make you talk to the friends you already have. Obviously I would be talking to other people if I didn’t care about losing a friend. I waste my time on trying to talk to you when I could be talking to others. At the end, you still don’t care and you will never care unless I like you back. I don’t get why girls can’t be civil when the person they like doesn’t like them back. Why cant we talk to one another like regular friends, why do you have to talk like you hate me. Just because I wasn’t down for something you wanted, that should not be the reason to kick someone out of your life. 

(Source: swayzeee)

Can you tell me why..?

There was this moment where I thought I saw you. I was walking pass the train station, I saw this girl with the corner of my eye, and I sworn it was you. She dressed like you and she was the same height as you. I tried to look for her face but I only saw that half smirk that looks just like yours. My heart raced so fast like I ran 2 miles. When I found out it wasn’t you I asked myself why my heart beat so fast when I thought that girl was you? Why?! I just want to know why… It’s been so long and I don’t understand why my heart was beating incredibly fast. 

(Source: swayzeee)

Massachusetts.

People in MA are so nice and polite! They always put a smile on and say thank you if you offer them something even if they don’t want it. I had a nice experience here. The weather here is very nice too! It’s not as hot as NYC and the view is beautiful (in brim field). I’ll miss the view and all these nice folks. Back to a city full of stubborn/rude/cocky people. Oh wells I had a great time :)

(Source: swayzeee)

Going back to New York City tomorrow. I’m not sure if I’m excited or not. I actually like being some where far away from New York City because I get to relax and work hard with no distractions. Its been a very good week. I feel happier and more relaxed. 

(Source: swayzeee)

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